I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
