So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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