College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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