Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
