I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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