My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
