If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
