Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
