i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I didn't notice because vodka
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
