I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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