WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
