Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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