So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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