You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
