imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Terrible idea I love it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
