I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
