I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
