I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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