Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
