he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
