I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
