it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
