Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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