Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My ATM looks so different sober.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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