I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
