I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
