Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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