dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
