the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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