i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
