I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
