I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
