All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
