dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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