just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
