Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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