So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
