I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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