I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
