This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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