Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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