I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize