Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
