She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize