I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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