This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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