I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
