i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
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You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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