ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
