i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
