Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
