I take back everything I said about communal showers
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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