i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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