i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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