will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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