I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
