I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
