The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
