I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I cut my penus on the lid.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
