You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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