Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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