just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He is an equal opportunity slut.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Randomize
