Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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