It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
