I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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