I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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