i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
