dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
