9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
