Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
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