Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
