Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
