Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
