I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
there is puke in my bra ... again
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
