If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
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I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize