I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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