Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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