Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
