So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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