I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
